The FanFold Files
The Stolen Love Potion
Chapter Two: Tea, Trouble, and Terrible First Impressions
By: Unknown
The Briarwood Forest had an unsettling habit of pretending to be perfectly ordinary.
Sunlight filtered through towering oaks in warm golden beams. Birds chirped cheerful melodies. Wildflowers nodded in the breeze. Tiny blue butterflies drifted lazily between patches of moss, and somewhere nearby, a brook babbled over smooth stones.
It was beautiful.
It was peaceful.
It was absolutely lying.
Peter stopped walking.
Rich nearly walked into him.
"What is it?"
Peter frowned at the path.
"The trees moved."
Fooly looked around.
"They're trees."
"They weren't over there five seconds ago."
Rich followed Peter's gaze.
The trail behind them had disappeared.
"...Well."
Fooly folded his arms.
"That's slightly inconvenient."
Before anyone could panic, Shadowheart walked past all three of them without slowing down.
"They're enchanted."
"That's it?" Rich asked.
"They like confusing visitors."
"How do you know where we're going?"
"I asked."
"You..."
Peter blinked.
"...asked the forest?"
Shadowheart nodded.
"It prefers good manners."
A nearby oak creaked.
One branch lowered itself politely, pointing deeper into the woods.
"...Thank you," Shadowheart said.
The branch gave what looked suspiciously like an approving wave.
Fooly stared.
"I love this place."
Peter looked mildly offended.
"I've spent six years studying magical ecosystems."
"Uh-huh."
"And nobody mentioned that forests appreciate manners."
Shadowheart shrugged.
"You never asked."
They hadn't walked another ten minutes before Gerald confidently announced,
"I know a shortcut."
Shadowheart stopped so abruptly that Rich nearly collided with her.
"No."
"It'll save hours."
"No."
"I have a map."
"No."
Gerald proudly unfolded the map.
It was upside down.
Peter gently rotated it.
"...This is a restaurant menu."
Gerald looked at it.
"...That explains why I couldn't find the mountain."
Further into the forest, the air began to shimmer with quiet enchantment.
Tiny lights floated through the undergrowth like wandering stars.
Flowers opened as the group passed, releasing sweet scents of lavender and honey.
Foxes with silver tails watched curiously from beneath fern leaves.
A family of hedgehogs marched by carrying mushrooms larger than themselves.
Then one of the mushrooms cleared its throat.
"AHEM."
Everyone froze.
The mushroom adjusted an impossibly tiny pair of spectacles.
"You stepped on my cousin."
Rich looked down.
"I'm so sorry!"
"You should be."
"I didn't realize—"
"He was very sensitive."
"I'm incredibly sorry."
The mushroom nodded thoughtfully.
"Hm."
Long pause.
"...You seem sincere."
It leaned closer.
"If you encounter Gregory, tell him he still owes me twelve acorns."
"I..."
Rich looked helplessly at Peter.
"...I'll remember."
The mushroom smiled.
"Lovely."
Then it walked away.
Actually walked.
Tiny roots functioning like feet.
Fooly watched it disappear.
"...I have so many questions."
Peter quietly scribbled into his notebook.
Walking fungi capable of financial disputes.
Rich peeked over his shoulder.
"You're taking notes?"
"I always take notes."
"What does your notebook say about the raccoon?"
Peter hesitated.
"...'Extremely rude.'"
Rich laughed.
Peter smiled despite himself.
The laughter faded naturally as they reached a clearing.
At its center stood the most unusual collection of cottages Rich had ever seen.
Each house balanced atop enormous wooden chicken legs.
They wandered slowly around the clearing, occasionally settling beside one another like sleepy animals.
Colorful smoke curled from crooked chimneys.
Bundles of herbs hung from every window.
Dozens of enchanted broomsticks swept the front yards completely unsupervised.
One broom paused its sweeping to glare suspiciously at Gerald.
"...What?" Gerald asked.
The broom resumed sweeping.
Judgmentally.
A wooden sign swung gently overhead.
THE HEARTH COVEN
Visitors Welcome
Please Do Not Feed The Invisible Goats
Rich looked around.
"...There are invisible goats?"
Something immediately ate part of Gerald's sleeve.
Gerald yelped.
"There are invisible goats."
The witches knew they were coming.
Nobody seemed surprised.
An elderly woman with bright green spectacles stirred a teapot that appeared to contain an entire thunderstorm.
Another knitted scarves using glowing moonlight instead of yarn.
A third argued passionately with a black cat over pie recipes.
"No cinnamon."
"Mrrrow."
"No."
"Mrrrow."
"You always say cinnamon!"
The cat looked directly at the newcomers.
"She's impossible."
"I heard that," the witch replied.
"I intended for you to."
Rich blinked several times.
Peter whispered,
"...I'm adding talking cats to the notes."
"You didn't already have them?"
"I assumed they were theoretical."
"Guests!"
A cheerful voice interrupted.
A young witch with silver curls hurried toward them carrying an enormous tray balanced effortlessly on one hand.
"Welcome! Tea?"
Nobody answered quickly enough.
She handed everyone a cup anyway.
The tea sparkled.
Literally.
Tiny stars floated inside it.
Rich cautiously took a sip.
It tasted like warm honey, fresh bread, and childhood memories.
"Oh."
Peter took one drink.
His eyes widened.
"...This is impossible."
"What?"
"It tastes like..."
He frowned.
"...my grandmother's apple pie."
Shadowheart sipped hers.
"...Mine tastes like silence."
Fooly looked into his cup.
"It tastes like adventure."
Gerald grinned.
"Mine tastes like victory."
The witch glanced into his cup.
"...That's actually hot chocolate."
"Oh."
"I mixed them up."
An enormous raven landed on the table.
It looked each visitor up and down.
Then sighed.
"More adventurers."
Its voice carried the weary exhaustion of someone who had seen far too many disasters.
The raven looked at Shadowheart.
"You'll be apologizing for them."
"I usually am."
It looked toward Gerald.
"You'll cause property damage."
"That's an unfair assumption."
The raven glanced at the scorch marks already appearing behind Gerald's chair.
"...Is it?"
Gerald looked down.
"...In my defense..."
The chair burst into harmless blue flames.
"...Actually, I don't have one."
Rich found himself drifting toward the garden while the others talked.
Hundreds of magical flowers bloomed there.
Some hummed softly.
Others glowed faintly beneath the afternoon sun.
One shy sunflower politely turned away whenever someone complimented it.
It felt...
Peaceful.
"So."
Peter appeared beside him.
Rich smiled.
"So."
They stood quietly for a moment.
"I like places like this," Rich admitted.
Peter nodded.
"Me too."
"I expected witches to be..."
"Dramatic?"
"...Scarier."
Peter laughed softly.
"I suppose brewing tea is less intimidating than curses."
"Depends on the tea."
They shared an easy silence.
Comfortable.
Natural.
Peter absentmindedly brushed a glowing petal from Rich's shoulder.
His fingers lingered for barely a second.
Neither of them moved.
Rich became suddenly aware of exactly how close they were standing.
Peter seemed equally aware.
"Oh."
"Oh."
Neither looked away.
Across the garden path—
Fooly spotted them.
His cheerful smile faltered almost imperceptibly.
Just for a heartbeat.
Long enough for something uncomfortable to settle quietly inside his chest.
He looked away before either of them noticed.
Naturally...
The universe refused to allow sincerity for more than thirty seconds.
A broomstick flew out of nowhere.
Straight between Peter and Rich.
Both stumbled backward.
The broom screeched triumphantly.
Another broom followed.
Then another.
Within moments, twenty enchanted broomsticks circled Gerald.
"They like you!" Rich called.
Gerald beamed.
"I knew it!"
The lead broom smacked him squarely on the head.
"Oh."
The others joined in.
"RETREAT!" Gerald shouted, sprinting across the clearing while pursued by an increasingly angry swarm of cleaning equipment.
"They're cleaning him!" one witch called.
"He was dusty!" another replied.
As everyone watched Gerald flee for his dignity, Batman burst into the clearing, dramatically diving over a flowerbed before rolling to his feet.
"I have solved everything!"
Shadowheart pinched the bridge of her nose.
"You've been here six seconds."
"Exactly."
"...That sentence doesn't help."
The Batman dramatically opened a notebook.
"I have deduced that our thief..."
He paused for effect.
"...possesses feet."
Peter blinked.
"...Remarkable."
"I know."
The Batman pointed dramatically toward the forest.
"And furthermore..."
Another dramatic pause.
"The suspect traveled..."
He crouched beside a set of muddy footprints.
"...this direction."
Shadowheart looked at the obvious trail leading directly away from the clearing.
"...The one with footprints?"
"Exactly!"
Before anyone could respond—
Something orange streaked through the bushes.
Tiny paws.
Furious eyes.
The raccoon.
It sprinted between everyone's legs, snatched Batman 's brand-new notebook without breaking stride, climbed onto the roof of a chicken-legged cottage, and sat there triumphantly.
The Batman gasped in horror.
"My evidence!"
The raccoon slowly opened the notebook.
Made direct eye contact with the Batman.
Then very deliberately tore out exactly one page.
Folded it into a paper bird.
And let it fly away on the breeze.
Silence.
The raven looked up at the raccoon.
"...You're insufferable."
The raccoon chittered smugly.
Then vanished over the rooftops.
Batman slowly lowered himself onto a nearby log.
"I believe..."
He sighed dramatically.
"...this has become personal."
Shadowheart stared into the middle distance.
"I'm going to need stronger healing magic."
Somewhere deep beyond the coven, hidden beneath the roots of the oldest tree in Briarwood, a tiny crystal bottle shimmered with pink light.
It giggled.
And quietly walked farther into the forest on its own little glass feet.
NOT The Jonas Brothers
By: Ellen
Rich, Luke, Peter, and Vinny were hanging out in Rich’s basement when Luke found an old DVD labeled Jonas Brothers: The Ultimate Experience. Peter, being the only one with a working brain cell that day, warned them not to play it because it looked “cursed as hell.” Naturally, Rich shoved it into the DVD player immediately. Suddenly, the TV exploded with blinding lights, guitar riffs, and an aggressive amount of hair gel. Before anyone could react, a giant disco ball dropped from the ceiling, and the four boys got SUCKED INTO THE SCREEN. They landed in the middle of a Jonas Brothers music video, surrounded by screaming fans, dramatic wind machines, and three guys who looked suspiciously like they’d just walked out of a 2008 Disney Channel original movie. Nick handed Rich a microphone, Joe grabbed Luke by the shoulders and yelled, “YOU’RE IN THE BAND NOW,” and Kevin appeared out of nowhere wearing enough scarves to supply an entire department store. Meanwhile, Peter was being forced into a synchronized dance routine, and Vinny had somehow found the catering table and was eating a sandwich like this was a normal Tuesday.
Things went downhill FAST. Rich decided he was the lead singer and started singing directly into the camera, learning he wasnt really that bad at it. Luke got into a dance battle with Joe Jonas and accidentally kicked over an entire set piece. Peter tried to escape through a fake window, only to discover it led directly into another Jonas Brothers music video. Vinny, who had been missing for twenty minutes, was eventually spotted playing guitar onstage with Kevin while wearing oversized sunglasses and a feather boa. Just as the final chorus began, Rich grabbed the microphone and screamed, “WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!” Nick told them the only way home was to perform the final dance move perfectly. After three failed attempts, one pulled hamstring (Peter’s), and Vinny casually doing the entire routine while eating a cookie, they finally nailed it. A portal opened, and the four boys were launched back into Rich’s basement. Everything was silent for a moment. Then Luke looked at Rich and said, “Delete that DVD.” Rich nodded slowly. Vinny wiped cookie crumbs off his shirt and whispered, “Nah, I wanna meet the Jonas Brothers again.” The next morning, Vinny woke up with a feather boa in his bed and a signed photo of Kevin Jonas on his nightstand. Nobody questioned it.
